Word Play

The Issue

The family is not an issue
the job is not the issue
do’s and don’ts are not the issue
good health coverage is not an issue
doing your homework is not the issue
setting your goal is not the issue
your priest is not the issue
the newest blockbuster movie of the year is not an issue
Monday mornings are not the issue
showings your kids who is boss is not the issue
new shoes are not an issue
your neighbors lawn mower is not an issue
getting some on the side is not an issue
winning at the races is not an issue
meeting the Backstreet boys is not the issue
being part of the team is not the issue
working through lunch is not the issue
being invited to the party is not the issue
clawing your way to the top is not an issue
getting a good nights sleep is not the issue
fearing god is not the issue
gun control is not the issue
shredded wheat is not an issue
words of wisdom are not the issue
getting the dog fixed is not the issue
getting the blues is not an issue
getting enough fiber is not the issue
Andy Koffman biographies are not the issue
the number 5 is not the issue
getting drunk with the boys is not the issue
Christmas with the grandparents is not the issue
going to the opera is not the issue
who you’ve fucked is not an issue
the company picnic is not the issue
student loan payments are not the issue
feeling fresh is not the issue
loving chocolate is not an issue
living to fight another day is not the issue
watching the weather is not an issue
feeling achy is not the issue
early retirement is not the issue
wondering why and how is not the issue
attention disorders are not the issue
being tax exempt is not the issue
meeting that special someone is not the issue
Halloween masks are not the issue
smoking pot is not the issue
being on time is not the issue
getting revenge is not the issue
playing golf with your accountant is not the issue
feeling empathy is not the issue
being on the news is not the issue
the president is not the issue
gas prices are not the issue
farting in public is not the issue
Ebola is not the issue
the beautiful people are not the issue
good customer service is not the issue
lesbians are not the issue
McDonalds is not an issue
being punk rock is not the issue
e-mail is not an issue
the new year is not the issue
the golden age of television is not the issue
the good life is not the issue
Coca Cola is not the issue
volley ball is not the issue
heroin is not the issue
child support is not the issue
hating clowns is not the issue
sex appeal is not the issue
taking the high road is not the issue
down town traffic is not the issue
the issue is not the issue.

———
(originally written circa 1994-2002)

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